Have you ever feeling where you know what God want you do is to surrender, and wait, but you can’t deny that you want to do “more” or give “more effort” to make you feel at least you did put yourself in more “secure” situation?
These past weeks, I feel like my mind and heart is fighting between one another. I’ve been interested with someone and it tears me apart to see how he getting closer and closer to someone else – and that girl is my friend. The urgency to throw away these feelings before it getting stronger, try to pretend nothing is change or happening, hide tightly my feeling, and yet the pain that keeps coming especially every time I see both of them looks so close before me. Despite all of the roller-coaster emotion that I feel, I find the most easily practical way I can do for now is to step back and having more boundaries.
While it just started – my mind and heart keep fighting against each other. My heart say that I did the right thing, and that I have to guard my heart while my mind keep saying “well.. Of course its normal if they will start their relationship, as they keep built their relationship while you pull yourself further. ” things like “what if I do differently…, perhaps they are just really friends, … ”
This point made me questioning myself how much do I believe in God’s love, God’s control, and His sovereignty? Do I really believe that He know what He is doing and He has store and have a plan for me..? Not just a plan, but a good plan as my heavenly Father who always been compassion to me. Can I really surrender this problem regarding what it will turn out and say that I am please with you?
“Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken not my covenant of peace be removed,” says the Lord, who has compassion on you (Isaiah 54:10)
The point is not about the best treatment I should do to deal with these problem… but how will my heart response, Will I believe whatever things turn into, I know Your grace are sufficient and because of who you are, I can always trust you, and You are much greater than my problem. You are the distinct faithful Lord that needs to be lifted high – And I want to praise my Lord for who you are, regardless any possible thing that will happen.
“Lord even if I remain faithless, you are faithful. Help me to be strengthened and believe into your promises. Promises that you are faithful, trustworthy and will never abandon your people. Nothing great comes to those whose heart is not right before you. Teach me to surrender, and lead me back to you again and again even if I’m keep failing. Thank you for your love and patience.”